Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All the doctor said was why
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
