I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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