he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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