You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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