at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
