ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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