She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
