its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
