I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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