bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
