Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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