I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
