thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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