Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
