I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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