I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
