I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
