Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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