I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
