He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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