So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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