Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
