I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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