Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
