she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
