help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
