I'm really into asian looking animals
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She told me I should be a condom model.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
