In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
