So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
not ubering you a puppy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
