I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
