Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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