saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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