Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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