My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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