I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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