She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
