Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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