it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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