Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
