I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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