Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
