Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
