You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
