you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
