This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
