It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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