i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Boobs speak an international language.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
