You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
