You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
