You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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