R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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