Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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