Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
