I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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