just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
