had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
