he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
