I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
