Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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