Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
