so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
