omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
