He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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