Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
