Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
