is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
