I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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