we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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