i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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