i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
