Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize