Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
