your room smells of hookers.
And success
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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